It was just "WORDS"...

I saw an image on Facebook not to long ago that explained somethings very very well.

Image via  challonsthoughts.blogspot.com/

You can't take words back once you say them. "SORRY" isn't enough to erase the pain, hurt, and negative that they have caused. I am guilty of this, we all have been at one time or another in our lives. However, those who live with this type of pain etched in our souls feel it deeper than others more often than others.

I hurt for my brother, myself, my kids that I have hurt along the way.

Did you know that because of the damage caused by "WORDS", I  am now more likely to break down because of words? A pen is mighter than the sword for me. You could beat the shit out of me, and I can stand there and take it, but verbally abuse me, and I would crumble. That is the affects of what "Words" are.

Yesterday, I broke.

So many people see me as happy, and strong. Yet rarely do you see me, as the neurotic, broke down, crying Cat. I have come so far from that. But I did break yesterday. Over "WORDS". Something as simple as that.

Words not to say to or about someone coping, dealing, or being treated for mental disorders; they lost it, they were out of control, went crazy, freaked out, nutso...  Especially when 1. NOT TRUE. 2. You weren't there. 3. You haven't walked in their shoes.

How do you know what it means to lose control? Until I start yelling, or crying I am not out of control... So don't EVER think you know me. I change and evolve daily. I work to keep growing, even in my own disabilities. I hate being controlled by them. So don't let your own preconceived notions limit your views on me.

I sat down with my management team yesterday, before work, and spilled my guts. I let it all out, tears too. How I felt, what was going, and that I felt I was under a microscope for my disorder. That I was always on my game, I worked hard to keep control daily, and that I wanted to know where I stood with them. Apparently, I am good. Paranoia sucks. Mean "WORDS" suck. These that can make someone like me, as strong as I have worked to become, fall apart, SUCK ASS!!!

Ok, I am done. Just remember everything that ever comes out of your mouth affects someone else. A smile, a frown, a nice word, or deed. Or a hurtful word can strangle the life out of someone, whether you meant to or not.

Blessed Be,
Cat