There is a completely SOUND reason that Doctors tell all of us patients not to Drink ALCOHOL when we take prescription meds, especially when we have any sort of mental illness. I know this. I have known this for many years.

However, a "friend" was in town.. He took me and a girlfriend out to a really nice restaurant.. OMG, like so nice, I don't know that I will ever see the inside of one like that again, unless I am cleaning it!!! And I decided to enjoy myself, he wanted to spoil me. I could see that all over his face. So I let him. He made a BIG DEAL out of ordering this expensive bottle of wine. He had one glass, my friend and I drank the rest. I felt fabulous. Came home took a nap no problem.

Later that evening he called wanted us to meet him for drinks downtown. Ok sure... I ended up having 3 small margaritas at the bar, blended in a glass.. Not the kind from Freemont, but just a well drink glass type.. But still that is more alcohol than I have had in the last 4 yrs combined. Had fun last night, friends were "glad to see me not so uptight" "letting my hair down"...

So here comes today.... I have been moody and depressed. Irritable and not sure what to do with myself.. I  take a nap earlier, and wake up think of snakes in my head.. Laying there I am trying to fall back asleep, but I can see is SNAKES... Now anyone who knows me, knows snakes is huge for me.. The fact they were IN MY head was FUCKED UP!!! I knew I was in trouble, and it was gonna hit me hard...Finally this evening while trying to fix my lap to do something, it all hits me at once.. I wanna die, I hate where I live, I hate my life, I am all alone. I curl up on the bed, and realize I miss my kids, I miss Megan, I miss Sharky. I am absolutely all ALONE.. I am sobbing, snot all over the place, nothing I can do. In my head, I just KNOW, I know they are going to commit me, and I will lose my job, my pathetic excuse for an apt.

My stomache hurts, my head aches.. sobbing into the towel I grabbed.. I grab my phone and call my friend Laura.. She doesn't pick up.. I KNEW I was all alone, (I reality, she has had a fight today with her significant other, so I am sure she has her own issues to deal with)... Then I call my friend/Boss, but it too goes to VM.. Of course she is as work, and can't answer.. But that doesn't help when you are wanting to be buried, knowing as you are laying on the bed in a ball, that no one loves you, and the whole DAMN WORLD would rather just shit on you, than help you...

Yeah.. So I don't drink people..

This is why. No one wants to have to baby sit me for the next 24 to 48 hrs after wards. ;) Cuz I am have a mental illness, and alcohol impares my medication from doing their job.