This blog has been idle for while, I do apologize.
I have had so many changes since my last entry. Mental health is and will always be an ongoing struggle for me. I put so much stock in how the company I work for, sees me and my work performance, that I have become so very angry, resentful, and defeated. I have spent 18 off and on working for the same company, heck the same store, just to feel like I am incompetent because I am Bi-Polar. I work harder than most of my cashiers, and am twice their age. There is very little that I am unable to do in my store. Most is because I no longer have the options in which to do those jobs, i.e. all my supervisor access. Without the tools to do my job effectively, I spend a lot of time waiting for Management. Sighs. I have been passed over for a promotion I was most qualified for not once but twice.. 1st time was because of my "emotions". Really do you not realize that is against the ADA? 2nd time I still don't understand. Anytime that supervisor is there, I feel like she waits for me to do her job. That isn't the point of being a back up.... Give you a break, lunch and help with the floor WHEN it is busy. Not just so you can stand at the front door, or SCO. Do your own job..( Hence my anger)
My weight is down, way down; however my legs/knees hurt and feet are being crippled by pain. Can't afford to see a Dr. because my hours keep getting cropped weekly. I will lose my insurance in another 11 weeks, if my hours keep up. I am at my wits end, to be able to pay bills, let alone eat, see a Dr. or pay for meds.
I don't interview well, I self-sabotage, and don't know how to sell my own good qualities or skills. All I ever see are my fears, doubts, inabilities to control my emotions/deal with the aftermath of a triggered response. The best years of my life as an adult is when I made my own business. With Bersal (Birdie) we had our own house cleaning business. 2 years we did that, hard work, but worth it. As a rideshare driver, I did okay. Not as well as my male counterparts, but I also only drove a sedan. I made my own hours, worked as long as I wanted, within legal time constraints, and could work until I made whatever I needed that week. I do miss that, but the roads are so much worse and the stress of driving would not be healthy anymore.
What does that leave me? Writing, (yes maybe one day), Crafts/painting, um that requires more patience that I have right now. Cooking... Baking.. Why yes, those are quite appealing to me...
I already cook, smoke, bake, and eat. Right?? This might be the right option for me.. Will do more research on how to do this without ending up in prison.
I am thinking building store, site, etc. to be able to get my orders out locally.
Sweetz by Cat. Keep an eye open for yummy things to come.
